Stubborn smoker refuses to pay heed!
started by new_york_diva 1 month agoFlat
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denice _menace posted Re:Stubborn smoker refuses to pay heed! on 1 month agosee, you should convince her lovingly..ofcource she isn't going to quit but then thats' hwo life with addicts is either u decide to throw them out and save yourself or burn with them cuz u love them..
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NYdiva,
Smokers are nuisance to deal with. Whether in public or in private. They pollute the air, throw buds around everywhere, throw stuff even from cars, create a bad smell in meetings/closed doors and overall create an unhealthy atmosphere for everyone around them.
You either deal with the nuisance or just plain severe the relationship. There is no other way. No wonder most 'civilized' countries & cities are throwing out smokers out from most places.
Smokers are nuisance to deal with. Whether in public or in private. They pollute the air, throw buds around everywhere, throw stuff even from cars, create a bad smell in meetings/closed doors and overall create an unhealthy atmosphere for everyone around them.
You either deal with the nuisance or just plain severe the relationship. There is no other way. No wonder most 'civilized' countries & cities are throwing out smokers out from most places.
Yah all this time when Itell her to stop smoking inside, she does stop for a couple of weeks and then starts again. I think I have to think about it like a child being told not to do a certain thing without the repurcussions being communicated. As they say "laato ke bhoot baato se nahi maante." This time my husband will speak to her directly and she will probably be mortified that this is coming from her son in law. If this too does not work ,we may have no choice but to tell her that she either stop or move out.
If you treat her like a child, she will act like a child and be rebellious. Let her know it's the smoking in the house that offends you - she can continue outside if she wants.
Why not tell her yourself that your husband is aware of it and before he gets involved, you think she should decide what she wants to do.
Why not tell her yourself that your husband is aware of it and before he gets involved, you think she should decide what she wants to do.
I have told her that its the smoking inside the house that offends me.....I have also told her that this is the US and a lot of women smoke so there is no real stigma attached with it. But can she please smoke outside?
She never rebels in words, is very docile and meekly agrees, but as they say actions speak louder than words. A few days later she is at it again! I have already told her that my husband is aware of it and that he is allergic to the smell and gets headaches. I have come to the conclusion that she does not care two hoots when it comes from me. She has to hear it from the man of the house. Also we plan on starting a family soon, and I dont see why my health or my child's health should suffer due to someone's gross negligence and selfishness .
My husband who is very caring and considerate, had suggested that she come live with us. We have made several adjustments to ensure that she hasa comfortable life and I think that even though children owe it to their parents, I think it is equally important that parents realise the sacrfifices that the children are making for them.
She never rebels in words, is very docile and meekly agrees, but as they say actions speak louder than words. A few days later she is at it again! I have already told her that my husband is aware of it and that he is allergic to the smell and gets headaches. I have come to the conclusion that she does not care two hoots when it comes from me. She has to hear it from the man of the house. Also we plan on starting a family soon, and I dont see why my health or my child's health should suffer due to someone's gross negligence and selfishness .
My husband who is very caring and considerate, had suggested that she come live with us. We have made several adjustments to ensure that she hasa comfortable life and I think that even though children owe it to their parents, I think it is equally important that parents realise the sacrfifices that the children are making for them.
When it comes to smokers, the relationship is only two ways.
Either you cope them as lifelong nuisance with some preset rules.
Or you severe your relationship.
Those who are slaves to that 3 inch tobacco role can NEVER ever understand how the others feel. If they could 'think', they wouldn't be addicts in the first place. It's not a personal problem, but it's a neuro-chemical problem in their brains. So in short, they are sick and you need to deal with sick people the way you would deal with any other contageous disease borne sick person.
I am being quite blunt here, but unfortunately that's how life is. I have been around chain smokers for most part of my life and know exactly what you are going through.
Either you cope them as lifelong nuisance with some preset rules.
Or you severe your relationship.
Those who are slaves to that 3 inch tobacco role can NEVER ever understand how the others feel. If they could 'think', they wouldn't be addicts in the first place. It's not a personal problem, but it's a neuro-chemical problem in their brains. So in short, they are sick and you need to deal with sick people the way you would deal with any other contageous disease borne sick person.
I am being quite blunt here, but unfortunately that's how life is. I have been around chain smokers for most part of my life and know exactly what you are going through.
Pleej to contact AA pronto
In hers or in yours breath
NY, Chile, Kyoto or Toronto
Smoking means only the death
In hers or in yours breath
NY, Chile, Kyoto or Toronto
Smoking means only the death
***Whats aa got to do with this**
You must understand
That the touch of this butt
Makes my pulse react
That it`s only the thrill
Of butt meeting mouth
Opposites attract
It`s physical
Only logical
You must try to ignore
That it means more than that
[Chorus]
Oh whats aa got to do, got to do with it
What`s smoke but a second hand emotion
What`s aa got to do, got to do with it
You must understand
That the touch of this butt
Makes my pulse react
That it`s only the thrill
Of butt meeting mouth
Opposites attract
It`s physical
Only logical
You must try to ignore
That it means more than that
[Chorus]
Oh whats aa got to do, got to do with it
What`s smoke but a second hand emotion
What`s aa got to do, got to do with it
If you rent your apartment, you could use a no-smoking clause in the rent contract to persuade her to go outside to smoke. Or get her one of those Nicotine gum thingies to help her quit.
One quits when one is ready to quit. No amount of nicotine or other thingies help.
OP: I'm sorry to say but there's not much you can do about it. At the most, a polite non-criticism request every week for a couple of months may help but other than that, either leave her or learn to deal with her smoking.
OP: I'm sorry to say but there's not much you can do about it. At the most, a polite non-criticism request every week for a couple of months may help but other than that, either leave her or learn to deal with her smoking.
My mother lives with us and likes to smoke inside our appartment. The smell of smoke reeks inside the appt. - NY diva
>>> What Daruvala has to say on this? He seems to think the smell / stink from such activities might not be a problem to habitat / environment / people.
>>> What Daruvala has to say on this? He seems to think the smell / stink from such activities might not be a problem to habitat / environment / people.
> What Daruvala has to say on this?
What he is having to say, I am not knowing. I am going to relogin as him and reply in little bit time.
What he is having to say, I am not knowing. I am going to relogin as him and reply in little bit time.
"I am going to relogin as him and reply in little bit time. "
huh? did i miss something here? BTW, i owe it to the trio[u, seva and MD] to provide me with free entertainment, esp during my lunch break:-)
TIA.
huh? did i miss something here? BTW, i owe it to the trio[u, seva and MD] to provide me with free entertainment, esp during my lunch break:-)
TIA.
You missed something big. While you were relaxing and doing nothing in India, Seva worked very hard and made a huge, groundbreaking, earthshattering, momentous discovery: that Merlot and I are the same person. Since Sevan Epistemology dictates that Seva is always right, Merlot and I then proceeded to merge our identities into one. As this point, I am carvaka. A few minutes later, I will be Merlot. I am a great siddha, maintaining Nirman Kaya and Sambhog Kaya, etc.
make it fast.
Ok then unkil. Have you sniffed NYDiva and determined if she stinks too?
You can ask her yourself.
I have no interest in NYDiva's body odor. You on the other hand are the intrepid researcher who posited yesterday that body odor is linked to the quality of the air one breathes in. Surely, you would want to support your hypothesis with some evidence.
Or is this the same sloppy manner in which you did your doctoral research too? Oh wait, you don't need to answer that one. We already know.
Or is this the same sloppy manner in which you did your doctoral research too? Oh wait, you don't need to answer that one. We already know.
> Surely, you would want to support your hypothesis with some evidence.
Ah... you say so because you are unfamiliar with Sevan Epistemology (SE), the bleeding-edge branch of philosophy. (The thing bleeding in this instance is the brain of anyone who insists on pre-Sevan epistemology.)
According to SE, things are so because they are so in Seva's mind. The way things come to be so is like this: Seva evaluates a proposition to see, "do I like the sound of this?" If the answer is yes, then it becomes true. If the answer is no, it becomes false. Every thought thunk and every word said by anyone about the topic after that point is by definition corroborative evidence of the truth or falsehood of the proposition as earlier decided by Seva.
This is a revolutionary approach to epistemology, and it needs fundamental adjustments to the way you think about knowledge, and evidence. Like Einstein's relativity, it is very dificult for experts to come to terms with. Like relativity, it will take a couple of generations before it will find wider intuitive understanding among serious thinkers like yourself.
Ah... you say so because you are unfamiliar with Sevan Epistemology (SE), the bleeding-edge branch of philosophy. (The thing bleeding in this instance is the brain of anyone who insists on pre-Sevan epistemology.)
According to SE, things are so because they are so in Seva's mind. The way things come to be so is like this: Seva evaluates a proposition to see, "do I like the sound of this?" If the answer is yes, then it becomes true. If the answer is no, it becomes false. Every thought thunk and every word said by anyone about the topic after that point is by definition corroborative evidence of the truth or falsehood of the proposition as earlier decided by Seva.
This is a revolutionary approach to epistemology, and it needs fundamental adjustments to the way you think about knowledge, and evidence. Like Einstein's relativity, it is very dificult for experts to come to terms with. Like relativity, it will take a couple of generations before it will find wider intuitive understanding among serious thinkers like yourself.
ROFL. I await with bated breath for announcements of future breakthroughs resulting from this revolutionary methodology. Not.
Btw, have you considered writing Seva's unauthorized biography? It'll be a riot and at the same time, a profound meditation on human folly. A modern-day revisiting of your Paramarta Guru fables.
> It'll be a riot and at the same time, a profound meditation on human folly.
LOL
> A modern-day revisiting of your Paramarta Guru fables.
Yeah, the first one will be about a Non-Casteist Unkil who had a calf and was defrauded by three crooks who thought the Shivalingam is a phallic symbol.
LOL
> A modern-day revisiting of your Paramarta Guru fables.
Yeah, the first one will be about a Non-Casteist Unkil who had a calf and was defrauded by three crooks who thought the Shivalingam is a phallic symbol.
>> Yeah, the first one will be about a Non-Casteist Unkil who had a calf and was defrauded by three crooks who thought the Shivalingam is a phallic symbol.
ROFL. I hope you'll give Psandilya due credit for this.
ROFL. I hope you'll give Psandilya due credit for this.
Or is this the same sloppy manner in which you did your doctoral research too? Oh wait, you don't need to answer that one. We already know.
>>> Especially with your understanding and faith in Daruvanam type literature, that's quite obvious – i.e. your already knowing the things, in Puranic sense. Btw, that also proves the type of research and logic you value the highest – Puranic tales.
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