Help me...
started by tinythoughts 4 mnths agoReplies
here http://www.youtube.com/user/soundlessdawnwatch it is great u need speakers to understand it all and an open mind
Hi Tinythoughts, I've been thru a similar experience...n believe me, the more u get involved in it...the more u will hurt urself...I know, u think that u ppl think alike...and may be if u tell him that its u, his schoolmate, he may continue this relationship the way u want...But if we talk abt reality then we know this very well that he didn't give u desired amount of importance when u were real "you" with him...right? Why?? ...ask this question to urself...
He may be having a few fantasies about this "fake-you". May be he is feeling fascinated for this unseen girl...He may be havin a few imaginations about u and thats the reason he is so nice with u...N u know wat...these guys hav a sixth sense as of how a girl thinks...n they hav this art to behave just the way she will like...So, u will think how nice he is...what a similar way of thinkin n all....but in real, he may not be the person he is pretending...
I was into a sort of similar situation once, n believe me when he didn't hav any idea abt the reality, he was damn good with me...he pretended as if he is the only person on earth who thinks just the way I do...but when I told him that I am the same person whom he knew, he just vanished into thin air....n I was very hurt...
So, u do one thing(if I may ask u to think over my suggestion), tell him everything....U may hav this fear of losin him but u've to face the reality...if he really treasure this relationship, then he will accept it and continue as it is....and if he don't want to continue then he just don't deserve a friend like u...Don't make urself so easily available to him...A person who is equally loyal and dedicated in a relationship can only possess ur f'ship n no one else...It may hurt u initially(if incase he changes his behaviour) but artificial and fake rel'ships do no good to us...n are always a pain...
N think, if he is a nice person at heart...n if he appreciate the fact that u told him the truth...that u both think alike n are gud friends, then life wud be very easy and b'ful....isn't it? U can be real you with him...This fake thing will stop haunting u every now n then... n may be things will work out just the way u want... :)
Remember, fake n artificial relationships have no strong base...they keep on hurting u...n anyways, u also want a real rel'ship n u r not takin it as a fun...isn't it?? So, no point continuing it just for the sake of ur pleasure...n if it gives u personal satisfaction to just hav a short time pleasure by talkin to him n being pampered by him....n if this is the only reason u r talkin to him n u don't hav more expectations from this rel'ship...then no doubt u can continue this ways....
Think abt it!!! Wish u gud luck!!!
What a place to ask for advice? Even the Gariahat Market, South Calcutta would be a better place? Or the Kothaval Chavadi in Singara Chennai? Or the Craford market in Mumbai and the Palika Bazar In New Delhi????
Regards.
Rajaputhran.
Playing a harmless practical joke occasionally is one thing..but this is a little devious. I guess you have to take a chance and confess and see what happens..sooner is better than later. We live and learn:-)
*Let me say something in general about chats and serious relationships...sure, it is an easy and modern way of communicating for fun, pure time pass (wasting time), talking nonsense...but, do you know anyone who has had a "serious and happy relationship" based on chats? I don't. Even if people fall in love, get married after chats...sooner or later, "everything they blabber on and on during those exciting initial days" seems to come back to bite/hurt them! If someone is "serious" I would think- they would spend some money/make every effort and make telephone calls or meet after a few chats.
*Let me make it gender specific...again, it is my view that women have to be extremely cautious what they put down anything in writing in chats- if you are going to tell every single detail about your life in a chat to someone you know/don't know you are -not only mimimizing/sabotaging the interest in you (in the long term). As I said before..if one is to say foolish things to a future life partner..spend the money/time to talk/meet to do so!
If there is no romantic interest...a general public/message board like this is perhaps better to vent/rant-private chats in the long term do no good...But, even here (places such as these)- people do not "forget" anything that is said- some caution is a good idea.
good luck,
M
Well...a very nice advice Maria, I must say....but I wud definitely want to ask a question to you and vaidyanathan ji, do u get any idea of the name of this girl just by lookin at her display name?? Does "Tinythoughts" gives u any idea bt her real identity?? If it does, then I m sorry for the question...but if it does not...then why this suggestion of not disclosing her personla problems in a forum like this...etc...etc?? It is a public forum, one may post any kinda doubt or problems he/she may have...isn't it?
N Vaidyanathan ji, I am sorry if I am being offensive in anyway, but don't u think it wud be unfair to compare Sulekha forum with any market?? I toh had this impression that we hav quality bloggers n experienced ppl on sulekha who can always help like a family if neone seeks for any help regarding any problem or doubt...Sorry...I have to then think over my wrong impression...isn't it?? Because Sulekha bloggers themselves compare themselves with any person in a market like Palika Bazar!!!
Saranya Patel : Is that your real name or a handle? If it is the former then you are one of the very few fools like me who think they have the of moral strength of character to withstand the onslaught of the formless zombies, the Handles who populate the virtual world and a chat group is precisely that. I have the mental rectitude to accept life as it comes becuse I live by a certain code of conduct. My ethics are very difficult to be followed and I stand by what I say. I don't have to hide behind a Handle.
To discuss a personal problem with the so called "friends" in Sulekha is a farce. It is like discussing the chastity of one's wife or husband with an unknown stranger. The first valuable lesson that I learned within a few weeks of my association with the Sulekha is this : "We are friendly, but we are not friends". Try to decipher this conundrum and very soon you will appreciate that Sulekha is not even a Market, it is weekly Haat.
Some years ago two young persons came to ask my personal advice on a matter that was bothering them. Both were working in the IT Industry and both were from the forward community but different castes. Highly educated they felt an attraction towards each other and were contemplating marriage. The girl was four years senior to the boy and that complicated the issue. I had to do an in depth study of their problems and talk to each separately and at the end of the day I was convinced that the marriage if allowed to be performed would have serious repercussions on the individuals both physiological and physical and could create insurmountable problems later which they could expect from their families.
I told them to keep their distance and reassess the situation when the fire in their bellies were doused. After about a week or ten days they were kind enough to let me know separately their decisions which showed their maturity and concern for each other.
You joined Sulekha in January 2008, and I have joined Sulekha almost four years ago. You shall learn that all that glitters in Sulekha is not Gold. It is brass, polished with Brasso.
Regards.
Vaidyanathan Pushpagiri.
aka Rajaputhran.
Its not the duration that matters...I mean...I've been into this blogging world since 5 years...and yes, I joined sulekha a few months back but I've been reading the blogs here since 3 years now...So, don't worry...I am not under any illusion..So, everythin that glitters is not gold...So in other words, some objects that glitter are gold....Sulekha is a nice blog site with nice ppl on it...
If u feel that u r just friendly with them but not friends then may be it's ur personal experience...But my personal experience says that I have a number of gud friends on sulekha...n I will definitely seek for their advice whenever I feel like...
Everyone has a different perception...u carry here the way u want...I will do the same my way...
N yes, the picture was nice!
You compare your chat msgs in ur earlier identity and the present one, u will see the different pattern of talking to him. There you may be behaving like a pest, but here you are talking simply like a friend. I don’t mean to hurt you but it happens, even you won’t know this.
No point in asking… cause it will turn him off again. Continue chatting for your own pleasure.. Try to get over…slowly. It is gonna hurt but be brave to face this. It’s not end of the world.
you'll never know what made him stop talking to you. resist asking this question to him, as his reply will be irrelevant to you, because he may not consciously know why he stopped talking to you.
continue this interaction with him, in as many new avatars as it takes. at some point, you'll get genuinely disinterested in him, as that's what prolonged verbal interaction does, slowly desexualize him in your mind.
remember, never to ask him why he stopped talking.
good luck!
this will help you in gauging how to present this yourself. be prepared for both outcomes, losing or getting.. it is bound to happen sooner or later.
also put yourself in his shoes and think clearly what would have been your response if the same was done to you. will help in clearing your thought process.
all the best.
As his new friend, try asking him about his 'other' friends, and see if you talks about 'you'. Hear out his responses. Even slowly encourage him to start talking the the real you. If he starts, than fade out the virtual you slowly and tell him much much later.
If he doesn't, well than come back here to ask further.
OR
Just bite the bullet now and tell him.
just go ahead and tell him.
if he is a gud frnd he will defenetly understand!..
I'm sorry, sweetie - you have to let him go. Going under a fake id is NOT gonna help. This is not a movie where everyone will like you for the 'real you'.
You're better off cutting him off now - do not reveal yourself. He'll be mad at the real you forever. Just let him go.
He was never yours to lose anyway.
from his point, if he is really interested in your friendship, he will surely accept the situation. and you will be lucky , and if he is trying to avoid your friendship for any reason then he will not respond.
If i would have been in your position, believe me i have gone thru this situation, I would tell him the fact and wait for his response if he accepts then grt, but if he doesn't respond then I would have left it there and stopped worrying about it. becoz If he is trying to avoid the relationship and i am digging it more and more then it will even worsen the relationship, he might feel irritated also.
Don't worry about loosing, friendship should be based on truth and belief. If this is not there, the relationship will end up in a chaos!!.
tell him your identity. simple.
its better to take this risk. trust me.
he 'll come to know sooner than later . now atleast u'll be able to control urself in case he decides to leave you. u'r gonna be more hurt later.
be strong . tell him.
or follow what RS-k has suggested.(above)
its better if u now realise it was a wrong..or atleast if dats wat u thnk so....then....try n find an opprtune moment...n tell him....
u also dont knpow why he earlier had stopped talking to u...
but if he is sensible n mature enuf to understand....he now knows u as a person...and also as a frend as u told...though wid a diffrent identitiy...its not the same i know.....but it shudnt be dat different too...if its d person n his nature n personality dat matters more to him n not his name...
it isnt real life....u dint fool him in a big way....be frank n tell him d truth....m sure hel be fine after a few chats....
take care..n all d best