"Indo-Pak peace process made dramatic progress," says Pranab Mukherjee.
May 20th, 2008. Associated Press of Desichatter



ISLAMABAD, PAKISTAN: A high-level delegation from India held talks with the new civilian government of Pakistan to initiate a composite dialogue on trade, travel, siesmology, sports and entertainment. In light of a bomb explosion in Jaipur, the Indian delegates made a strong case to include terrorism on the agenda. Two memos were issued on this subject and the second memo was carbon copied to hon Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, Sonia Gandhi and President Musharaff and was bcc'ed to President Pratibha Patil. This caused a major uproar at the host nation and they released an order to initiate cross-border firing along the LOC. Several Indian soldiers were killed during the firing. Eventually, both parties agreed to a 10 minute, closed-door discussion on terrorism. The Indian delegation felt a twitch of victory upon this turn of event.

"We will strongly voice our opinion on the subject of terrorism vis-a-vis India as far as Kashmir is concerned and will also raise the subject of support to Islamic fundamentalist organizations operating freely in India with full support from militant organizations based in Pakistan," said foreign secretary Shiv Shankar Menon. "We will press for a joint statement on this issue."

Both parties have been working diligently on picking the right spot for signing the joint agreement. After considerable debate, the location of Badshahi mosque was found to be the most photogenic and media-friendly.



Although the terrorism discussion was held behind closed doors, an insider leaked the transcript of the discussion to the media.

Gen Pervez Kayani (Pakistan army chief) - Give me Kashmir
Pranab Mukherjee - No
Gen Kayani - GIVE ME KASHMIR!!!
Mukherjee - I SAID NO!!

(everyone scratched their balls and played with their hair for a couple of minutes.)

Shiv Shankar Menon - "Why? hayn? Why you people support these terroristic people? Why cant we all get along? After all, we were part of the same British Raj. We are brothers. We should live like brothers.."
Rashid Qureshi (Pakistan President): We are all children of allah. We should learn to get along.
Gen Kayani - Fuck you! GIVE ME KASHMIR
Pranab Mukherjee - NO!

(ball scratching and hair fudging continued for a few more minutes!)

Menon - We must issue a joint statement
Qureshi - I agree
Mukherjee - Good! Thats progress. We have agreed to issue a joint statement. What do we put in the statement.
Kayani - GIVE ME KASHMIR
Qureshi - Sit down General.
Kayani - How dare u talk to me like that, you mothafucka? I'll coup-de-gras your ass!!
Qureshi - If you talk to me like that, I'll complain to Mushusaab!

(both scratch balls furiously)

Menon - Do we agree on anything
Qureshi - We agree to disagree
Mukherjee - sounds good! We will put that in the Joint statement.

(everyone walks out and shakes hands and wave in front of photographers and news reporters.)

In a joint press conference following the closed-door session, Pranab Mukherjee told a gathering of international press reporters that "the Indo-Pak peace process has achieved a major breakthrough. This is for the first time in the history of mankind that the two countries have issued a joint statement where both parties have agreed to disagree. The Indian delegation is comforted by the fact that Pakistan has agreed that terrorism is a threat for both nations and only by working together will we be able to rid the world from the evils of terrorism."

Gen Kayani added, "we have voiced our opinions on the subject of Kashmir and we are disappointed that once again, the Indian administration fails to see that Kashmir clearly belongs to Pakistan. For God's sake, how many explosions do we have to mastermind before our message sinks in through your thick skulls? We are running out of bombs and suicide bombers!!"

Qureshi said, "We should focus on trade, travel, sports, movies, education and economics and find various other categories where Pakistan can milk the lifeblood out of India."