Can you be single and happy?
started by Amerasian 6 mnths agoFlat
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You are right miss. But i guess everybody face the same problem in theri life, that is find a perfect mate for themselves. But i guess there is no such thing as perfect. We need to make a relationship perfect, that's how it works!!
>> We need to make a relationship perfect, that's how it works!!
Well said... but, in today's environment I will see Santa Claus and God at the same time and will attain nirvana before seeing a man and a woman who both think and act in an unselfish manner to make a marriage perfect. To that extent, I agree with Nisha Ji's statement that marriied couples for most part are the best actors, liars, and hypocrites all rolled into one. I would not say 99.99% but more like 95%, but 100% of the couples have a perfect marriage - at least for 2 weeks in their lifetime (right after marriage.
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Well said... but, in today's environment I will see Santa Claus and God at the same time and will attain nirvana before seeing a man and a woman who both think and act in an unselfish manner to make a marriage perfect. To that extent, I agree with Nisha Ji's statement that marriied couples for most part are the best actors, liars, and hypocrites all rolled into one. I would not say 99.99% but more like 95%, but 100% of the couples have a perfect marriage - at least for 2 weeks in their lifetime (right after marriage.
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LOL!! I read some of the hilarious responses to this one and cant help but laugh. Most here seem to believe that those married are content/happy while the scenario is 99.9% opposite. I have met most married couples who remain married out of habit, inertia or soem sort of symbiotic material need. None for love or for wanting to be together. Those who say they're content are more often liars who have learnt the art of lying to their ownselves and accepting life as doled out to them as just that, not knowing there can be a better life. They have learnt to compromise on things they should not only to stay married. And they have learnt to live with this sickly attitude and justifying it. Not to say those who arent married arent looking...but waiting for the right one and being truly happy is a much better scenario than believing you're over so and so age and hence must be ready to breed any moron's kid who'll make your and the kid's life miserable.
Gosh! What's wrong with people! Wake up and smell the roses!!
Gosh! What's wrong with people! Wake up and smell the roses!!
>>> Nothing. (Married) people are smart. They know that their marriages are not perfect most of the time, perhaps not even any time, but they probably realize that the alternative -- being single or getting out of marriage because it's not as great as it should have been -- could be worse.
correct... it is a choice between two bad options....
It is not without reason that people said "men cannot live with women and cannot live without women". I would put all the blame on women for this confusing situation....;)
It is not without reason that people said "men cannot live with women and cannot live without women". I would put all the blame on women for this confusing situation....;)
"Most here seem to believe that those married are content/happy while the scenario is 99.9% opposite. I have met most married couples who remain married out of habit, inertia or soem sort of symbiotic material need. None for love or for wanting to be together. Those who say they're content are more often liars who have learnt the art of lying to their ownselves and accepting life as doled out to them as just that, not knowing there can be a better life. They have learnt to compromise on things they should not only to stay married. And they have learnt to live with this sickly attitude and justifying it. Not to say those who arent married arent looking...but waiting for the right one and being truly happy is a much better scenario than believing you're over so and so age and hence must be ready to breed any moron's kid who'll make your and the kid's life miserable."
Nisha-ji, I believe you are wrong about the percentage (99.9%) of the couples, who are NOT content/happy. Is it possible that you might have seen them just when they were aruguing and not happy? You can't expect couples be happy/content and 'lovie-dovie' 24 hours a day, 365 days per year. How do you define love? Just because couples are bickering occasionally that doesn't mean love is absent in their marriage. Marriage is analogous to long-distance running as opposed to 40-yard dash in 4-5 seconds. One must have stamina and endurance to reach the finish line. There are going to be ups and downs. Even the happiest couples would tell you that being married is not always easy. There are going to be challenges. As for waiting for Mr.Right/Ms.Right, one can wait forever before finding the right partner. It took me 6 years to find my Ms. Right. Guess what? In the process, I might have passed up on women, who might have been closer to being my Ms. Right. While I don't completely agree with your assessment, it's thought-provoking, and you do have some valid point. One should not get married for wrong reasons. Well.., that's a topic for another day.
Nisha-ji, I believe you are wrong about the percentage (99.9%) of the couples, who are NOT content/happy. Is it possible that you might have seen them just when they were aruguing and not happy? You can't expect couples be happy/content and 'lovie-dovie' 24 hours a day, 365 days per year. How do you define love? Just because couples are bickering occasionally that doesn't mean love is absent in their marriage. Marriage is analogous to long-distance running as opposed to 40-yard dash in 4-5 seconds. One must have stamina and endurance to reach the finish line. There are going to be ups and downs. Even the happiest couples would tell you that being married is not always easy. There are going to be challenges. As for waiting for Mr.Right/Ms.Right, one can wait forever before finding the right partner. It took me 6 years to find my Ms. Right. Guess what? In the process, I might have passed up on women, who might have been closer to being my Ms. Right. While I don't completely agree with your assessment, it's thought-provoking, and you do have some valid point. One should not get married for wrong reasons. Well.., that's a topic for another day.
Just because the married people in CH seem depressed doesn't mean all married people are that way. Besides, you never know what really goes on in a marriage. You may see nothing more than a busy couple that's in a dull and marriage, but they may have a great partnership where they understand and trust each other and give each other space.
I know many women who are single and happy and many who are not. These days, more of the emerging generation in urban areas don't give a life or death value to being married, mostly because they are very secure well employed professionals. the longer they tseem to give lief or death importance to getting married. The longer it takes, they say, the harder it gets for them to venture into the marriage mine-field!!
These are just observations and not my own opinions...that has to wait for some other day to escape from the confines of my mind.......maybe in a poem. So look out, gals and guys.......
These are just observations and not my own opinions...that has to wait for some other day to escape from the confines of my mind.......maybe in a poem. So look out, gals and guys.......
I know a fair number Indian-American females in their 30s. All of them want to get married or at least be in a commited long term relationship. They can't find a right person. They keep on going from one date to next or reverting back to someone they dated two or five years back and breaking up again. By time a person is in your mid-thirties, they become more inflexible and the idea of "right partner" is more rigid. It is much easier to find a "right one" in 20s than in 30s - not because of age, but because we tend to be more flexible, still belive in romance and all other things that makes it possible to fall in a relationship.
To say they don't give a damn is sour grapes. People often try to see brighter side and this excerpt is no better. It will probably feed ideas to the current generation in their 20s and we will end up with more single and discontented people :)
To say they don't give a damn is sour grapes. People often try to see brighter side and this excerpt is no better. It will probably feed ideas to the current generation in their 20s and we will end up with more single and discontented people :)
The funny thing is that when these same very very single women get married (and they usually do), they tout it as if they are the ONLY ones who did it for the RIGHT reasons. As if, the rest of us who married earlier were just fools. Then this marriage becomes such a big drama for them 'oh I didn't believe in love till now'. It's like they were waiting for real LOVE to come. We caught some other train.
I have a cousin 6 years older than me. I got married earlier and had a kid. She came down to visit, but played 'I am a PhD' card so many times, that I felt like one of those idiots who just procreate for the lack of any other better thing to do. And when she got married, in her mid thirties, it was all about how-she-discovered-real-love. When she had a kid, it was like she is the first woman to have a kid.
*Ranting Over*. Phew.
I have a cousin 6 years older than me. I got married earlier and had a kid. She came down to visit, but played 'I am a PhD' card so many times, that I felt like one of those idiots who just procreate for the lack of any other better thing to do. And when she got married, in her mid thirties, it was all about how-she-discovered-real-love. When she had a kid, it was like she is the first woman to have a kid.
*Ranting Over*. Phew.
>>She came down to visit, but played 'I am a PhD' card so many times, that I felt like one of those idiots who just procreate for the lack of any other better thing to do.
Yeah... tell her many times that she is indeed a PhD.... "Poor but highly Dejected"....*** Tell her that she MUST have waited for a few years before having her kid so that she could have enjoyed her life with her rare love. And oh, BTW also tell her not to worry that she will be 60 when her child graduates from high school or her dear lovie hubby would not be able to play basketball or rollerblade with their kid(s), while you will be playing with your grandkids like an idiot.
Also, ask her if you could reord her statements of her great loving hubby bcz she is so so unique that you would like to play it again over the years (to her).
*** RED ALERTt. Potentially today could be an anti-PhD day.
Yeah... tell her many times that she is indeed a PhD.... "Poor but highly Dejected"....*** Tell her that she MUST have waited for a few years before having her kid so that she could have enjoyed her life with her rare love. And oh, BTW also tell her not to worry that she will be 60 when her child graduates from high school or her dear lovie hubby would not be able to play basketball or rollerblade with their kid(s), while you will be playing with your grandkids like an idiot.
Also, ask her if you could reord her statements of her great loving hubby bcz she is so so unique that you would like to play it again over the years (to her).
*** RED ALERTt. Potentially today could be an anti-PhD day.
lucky women stay unmarried all their lives. better be single than make a wrong choice
I get up at noon and bum away the rest of the day. No one to nag me FF to year 2150 -
Folks will marry at age 59.5 when its time to retire. Marriage will be like "returning to India" - x+1 syndrome. Going at retirement does not matter. Marriage age has already gone from 18-21 to 29-35 in last 50 years.
Babies will be born in test tubes or cloned if you want them in pairs. You would be able to choose the sperm and egg of your liking.
People will still be happy. Because social expectations will change.
Folks will marry at age 59.5 when its time to retire. Marriage will be like "returning to India" - x+1 syndrome. Going at retirement does not matter. Marriage age has already gone from 18-21 to 29-35 in last 50 years.
Babies will be born in test tubes or cloned if you want them in pairs. You would be able to choose the sperm and egg of your liking.
People will still be happy. Because social expectations will change.
"They're not married and frankly, my dear, they don't give a damn."
Much false bravado there. most of the 30+ single desi females I know are not really happy with their single-hood. oh, some of them will try to project the busy-professional-who-does-not-have-time-for-nonsense image. but that's just more of the same false bravado.
on another note, what's with the pics on that article's webpage? they seemed straight out of B-grade (porno) Hindi movies!
"It's not that they don't want to get married, but they can't find the right person. "
This is the key -- they do want to be in a rel'ship, but they're not willing to get married for the sake of being married. Better to wait for the right one than jump into something you'll regret. So, you can't sit around and be miserable holed up in your apt. (Seriously, I think these girls are enjoying life more than some married folks).
This is the key -- they do want to be in a rel'ship, but they're not willing to get married for the sake of being married. Better to wait for the right one than jump into something you'll regret. So, you can't sit around and be miserable holed up in your apt. (Seriously, I think these girls are enjoying life more than some married folks).
"Seriously, I think these girls are enjoying life more than some married folks"
needless to say, it all depends on what one defines as joy and the lifestyle one leads.
if one defines joy as not being beholden to any other person, being sole master/mistress of your own life and home, coming and going when you please, doing as you please, etc., then married people might think single people are having fun.
if one defines having a steady, reliable partner to share the good and the bad with, someone to support and love, someone to come home to and spend a quiet evening with, then single people will think married people have it made. this is especially true if the single person 'can't find the right person' and keeps running into 'losers'.
it is not easy when you have family and friends who keep asking you about your marriage and trying to set you up. it is also not easy when most of your friends and acquaintances are married - you start feeling a self-imposed to pressure yourself, even if nobody else is pestering you.
there are not many single people who come to an empty house after a long day's work, sit down for a lone dinner of hastily thrown-together junk food, and think they totally happy with their situation.
needless to say, it all depends on what one defines as joy and the lifestyle one leads.
if one defines joy as not being beholden to any other person, being sole master/mistress of your own life and home, coming and going when you please, doing as you please, etc., then married people might think single people are having fun.
if one defines having a steady, reliable partner to share the good and the bad with, someone to support and love, someone to come home to and spend a quiet evening with, then single people will think married people have it made. this is especially true if the single person 'can't find the right person' and keeps running into 'losers'.
it is not easy when you have family and friends who keep asking you about your marriage and trying to set you up. it is also not easy when most of your friends and acquaintances are married - you start feeling a self-imposed to pressure yourself, even if nobody else is pestering you.
there are not many single people who come to an empty house after a long day's work, sit down for a lone dinner of hastily thrown-together junk food, and think they totally happy with their situation.
If you are not one of the single category, then I would say it is illusion to speculate that there are not many single people who think they are totally happy with their situation. Perhaps not many people are happy with their lot in life, either singles or marrieds? Singles might be unhappy for many other reasons, than for being single, for instance I am a happy single, but life would be much easier if I had a car today - :| ...... much easier if my computer were fixed...... much easier if the sky were clear blue everyday.......... maybe I listened to too many married people complaining about each other hahahahaha! What is junk food, what is junk food, to an experimental cook?
"Singles might be unhappy for many other reasons, than for being single, for instance I am a happy single, but life would be much easier if I had a car today"
That's a great point. Life is life.. it's not easier for anyone. There's always something.
If someone says they're happy as they are, why must people bring them down and say it's not true, they don't mean it. If someone is married and claims they're happy, do you bring them down and say its not true and it's a facade (which it might be!)?
That's a great point. Life is life.. it's not easier for anyone. There's always something.
If someone says they're happy as they are, why must people bring them down and say it's not true, they don't mean it. If someone is married and claims they're happy, do you bring them down and say its not true and it's a facade (which it might be!)?
Nobody is bringing anybody down. there will always be exceptions like smitasamm. this article and my comment were not about exceptions. the article made a blanket statement that single people are very happy about being single and they don't give a damn about not being married. a majority of people, both men and women, both Indian and non-Indian, are spending a lot of time and energy to end their single-hood. similarly, a majority of married people put up with a lot to remain married and not go back to being single. if single people were all that happy, this wouldn't be the case.
sure there are exceptional people who are very happy running miles every day. I am not going to them and telling them that they are not happy doing that. all I'm saying that most of the average people in the world won't be very happy doing all that running.
sure there are exceptional people who are very happy running miles every day. I am not going to them and telling them that they are not happy doing that. all I'm saying that most of the average people in the world won't be very happy doing all that running.
> If someone says they're happy as they are, why must people bring them down and say it's not true,
> they don't mean it. If someone is married and claims they're happy, do you bring them down and say
> its not true and it's a facade (which it might be!)?
Well said. There is a specific fraction of married people who feel very uncomfortable that someone might choose to be single and actually be happy. Perhaps the existence (and happiness) of that single person tells them that marriage is not the only route to happiness, and that they themselves might have chosen not to get married and still have been happy. It is somewhat like Psandilya's attitude towards atheists, and the attitude of soldiers towards civilians.
> they don't mean it. If someone is married and claims they're happy, do you bring them down and say
> its not true and it's a facade (which it might be!)?
Well said. There is a specific fraction of married people who feel very uncomfortable that someone might choose to be single and actually be happy. Perhaps the existence (and happiness) of that single person tells them that marriage is not the only route to happiness, and that they themselves might have chosen not to get married and still have been happy. It is somewhat like Psandilya's attitude towards atheists, and the attitude of soldiers towards civilians.
"Seriously, I think these girls are enjoying life more than some married folks."
I have come across a few of them. Majority of the men and women do want get married or be be in a relationship. If people are going to be very picky about their future wives and husbands, they ought to start looking as early as possible--ideally when they are 20 or 21. A few of my relatives waited until they were 29 or 30, and all of a sudden they were in a hurry asking everybody to find potential future wife/husband. One guy finally gave up and sought his parents help!
I have come across a few of them. Majority of the men and women do want get married or be be in a relationship. If people are going to be very picky about their future wives and husbands, they ought to start looking as early as possible--ideally when they are 20 or 21. A few of my relatives waited until they were 29 or 30, and all of a sudden they were in a hurry asking everybody to find potential future wife/husband. One guy finally gave up and sought his parents help!
I don't know anyone who ever "waited" for rel'ship like that.
Most of the folks I know have been dating since college; they usually get stuck in a going nowhere rel'ship which ends when the guy goes off to marry someone picked by his family.
"Can you be single and happy?"
I suppose you can be happy if you are single while thinking and acting single!
There are those who are married but think and live like singles!
There is a saying that goes something like this: "a fox , fascinated by the tiger, put dark lines on its skin with a burning hot rod"!
I wonder why people CHOOSE to live unhappily!!!
I suppose you can be happy if you are single while thinking and acting single!
There are those who are married but think and live like singles!
There is a saying that goes something like this: "a fox , fascinated by the tiger, put dark lines on its skin with a burning hot rod"!
I wonder why people CHOOSE to live unhappily!!!
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