Forget and fogive ?
started by JustToRant 3 mnths agoFlat
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If you are not going to forget and forgive your sibling you can never forgive anyone.
But i won't be surprised if there are people who won't forgive their siblings / parents. recently i heard that one of my relatives (estranged brothers) did not turn up even for his mom's death. that's pretty sad.
But i won't be surprised if there are people who won't forgive their siblings / parents. recently i heard that one of my relatives (estranged brothers) did not turn up even for his mom's death. that's pretty sad.
4 key pieces of info missing -
1. your gender
2. your sibling's gender
3. age difference
4. your ages at time of incident
without this - no one answer fits all.
1. your gender
2. your sibling's gender
3. age difference
4. your ages at time of incident
without this - no one answer fits all.
I am a male and I thought the profile says that.
All the other info may not be needed. I could say the sibling is elder to me by 10+ years. Incident happened less than 6 months ago.
You should be more selfless; do kick the offender straight in the nuts, that will remind the person not to do certain things to others. Otherwise dont take it to your heart and complicate your life. Siblings will remain siblings- no worry on that count.
Revenge is second best if you can't forgive, it is still way ahead than doing nothing.
Revenge is second best if you can't forgive, it is still way ahead than doing nothing.
headphones and TOOL but read this:
http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/esp_malta02.htm
pretty cool...
A sibling is always fogiven and the deed forgotten. No other way about it. No matter how hurtful their words were. No doubt about it.
Well, I am the youngest one in the family, I am used to get beaten around anyways.
Outsiders, I forgive them too, always, but never forget.
Well, I am the youngest one in the family, I am used to get beaten around anyways.
Outsiders, I forgive them too, always, but never forget.
How? You just speak and act as if nothing happened before? If you could do that, I should applaud you for that.
No. With siblings, there is a lot of history to fall back upon. You grow up together. There are so many memories and common experiences. That bond itself should be able to wipe out momentary misunderstandings.
I have never held a grudge (or for too long) against my immidiate and close family - even in-laws. There are some cousins that I absolutely can't tolerate. But we stay cordial. But no big altercations so far. I diffuse the situation before it gets to it.
My friends atually used to joke in college - "You fight with the whole world, but chup chap agree to anything that your family says to you".
I have never held a grudge (or for too long) against my immidiate and close family - even in-laws. There are some cousins that I absolutely can't tolerate. But we stay cordial. But no big altercations so far. I diffuse the situation before it gets to it.
My friends atually used to joke in college - "You fight with the whole world, but chup chap agree to anything that your family says to you".
Thanks for the replies.
Now more questions.
In my situation, when I was down, my sibling hit me with strong words instead of soothing or helping words. So now when I am able to stand up, I donot feel like communicating normally with them and always their past actions and words resurface in my mind which puts me off to act and speak normal with them
Now more questions.
In my situation, when I was down, my sibling hit me with strong words instead of soothing or helping words. So now when I am able to stand up, I donot feel like communicating normally with them and always their past actions and words resurface in my mind which puts me off to act and speak normal with them
OK - this info helps a bit.
Assuming that you want to keep a good rel'ship with them, meet and talk about this. Tell them "I'm not sure if you remember, but when I was down, you said this to me. " Make sure you're not accusatory or put them on the defensive.
If you don't want to do anything with them, you can distance yourself from them.
Distancing will be helpful, but if its just two children in the family may be they will feel extremely lonely after wards.
Mostly when siblings fight,it might not be really confined to the topic, instead, lot of childhood might emerge,partial Parental affections or how these 2 kids conceived the sharing of parental love also plays a big role.
Vandana
Mostly when siblings fight,it might not be really confined to the topic, instead, lot of childhood might emerge,partial Parental affections or how these 2 kids conceived the sharing of parental love also plays a big role.
Vandana
In this case, act normal. That would be your best revenge. And when they think you are past everything, bring it up and let them know. They should know what they did.
T
T
And when they think you are past everything, bring it up and let them know.
See!! That's exactly I was saying that a woman will/can do and men won't but CB won't agree with me :))
See!! That's exactly I was saying that a woman will/can do and men won't but CB won't agree with me :))
I think if you still remember the pain, you haven't forgiven the person. If it's a friend then you have to weight the value and importance of the rel'ship and if it's worth holding on to. As for siblings and family members, it's a lot harder because of the connection and history -- and the expectations (all siblings should be happy forever).
People don't change. You can't change people -- only change yourself and how to react to them.
You have to accept them for who they are and as they are. If people continue to treat you badly, then you have to distance yourself from them. But, it shouldn't be about ego.
(*cough*deep purple*cough*)
Its difficult to forgive especially if it is our own sibling's.In my view point its more easy to forget than forgive.Its more like scratches in the heart ,which is for ever.Inspite of numerous patches we apply to cover it, its all ripe under.Some thing we can do is, put two chairs facing each other, first sit on rs and express the hurts we felt and then in other chair and talk for r sibling.May be the siblings have been going through hell ,we will never know.
regards Vandana
regards Vandana
you ppl are petty. I always forgive AND forget if my sibling hurt me. that's the only way to do it.
I don't know why the poster chose a Male profile but it's obvious that you will find difference between male and female opinion on this one.. It's difficult for women to forget and forgive while men, they just move on and don't keep the grudge :-)
Disclaimer: Exceptions do exist. (c) Uppili
Disclaimer: Exceptions do exist. (c) Uppili
See - I wouldn't make this a male/female thing. I'm more inclined to make it a elder-younger sibling issue. It seems the elder siblings are more forgiving of the younger ones.
I know brothers who don't speak to each other . But then there are brothers who are close inspite of the younger one using the older one all the time (older one knows it, but feels obligated).
I know brothers who don't speak to each other . But then there are brothers who are close inspite of the younger one using the older one all the time (older one knows it, but feels obligated).
Naah! It's not cut n dry between elder and younger..I have seen other way around as well..Anyway, you will find many more women holding grudge against their parents/siblings than men....
The chances are that those brothers do not speak because their wives do not get along!
The chances are that those brothers do not speak because their wives do not get along!
Perhaphs ,men forgive siblings more and take it out on other relation ships eh?
No ma'am! From my own experiences and observations, it's women again who take it out on the other relationships! Not men, we would deal with that person/situation directly rather than tangentially...
Disclaimer: Exceptions do exist. (c) Uppili
Disclaimer: Exceptions do exist. (c) Uppili
You may forgive and live and let live, esepcially if you are in an unenviable position of having to deal with that person - sibling, parents, kids, spouse. You may forgive wholeheartedly and even have a strong relationship over time if the otehr person GENUINELY feels sorry and apologizes and makes it upto you by not repeating such words.....
Still you may NEVER forget - again depending on your personality.