Divorce
started by lotuspetals 6 mnths agoFlat
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Queen Bee posted Re:Divorce on 3 mnths agoyes
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Some times nothing works out. Some things are better left alone. Some times even for the sake of infact may be for the sake of kids we need to seperate from our life partner. though it leaves a gapping hole for the kid and very difficult for him to fill that gap.. staying and quarelling and setting up a bad example would too ridiculous. If partners are not compatiable then it is okie to adjust for little ones but if they are totally off with each other... then i guess it is best to divorce despite of the kids... I never believed i would say this .. but here i am :)
just mentally divorce that guy...or gal...don't get in to divorce lafda...it costs too much emotionally and monetarily...
so be wise...pssst...just pretend to live with him..children iwll understandw hen they grwo older...then maybe you can just drift away...
so be wise...pssst...just pretend to live with him..children iwll understandw hen they grwo older...then maybe you can just drift away...
good morning. two things. for a husband and wife, divorce could be an option but for a mother and father, it should not be an option unless abuse of some kind is involved. please don't cite boredom or "farting/burping" and "interference/lack of freedom blah blah" as reasons. u bring kids into the picture, u better do whatever it takes to give them a good life. or else u fail miserably as human beings first and parents next.
G3, I think divorce is an option when every other option has been exchausted - including counseling. But the key with counseling is that it can help IF there was something to stand on from the start. If the couple never even cared for each other, then counselor can't do any magic.
The kids part is key - why have them if your marriage wasn't stable to begin with? Kids don't HELP a marriage..they actually TEST the marriage. However, sometimes people break up after kids -- they put more attn to the kids than to their marriage.
Anyway, I don't see any point in being unhappy for the sake of being together. Divorce is ugly and painful.. but if someone believes that is a better option, then others should respect it. No one knows exactly what occurs inside a marriage.
The kids part is key - why have them if your marriage wasn't stable to begin with? Kids don't HELP a marriage..they actually TEST the marriage. However, sometimes people break up after kids -- they put more attn to the kids than to their marriage.
Anyway, I don't see any point in being unhappy for the sake of being together. Divorce is ugly and painful.. but if someone believes that is a better option, then others should respect it. No one knows exactly what occurs inside a marriage.
Good morning G,
I didn't know that you were so strongly against divorce!! A lot of couples do stay in 'not so happy' marriages because they want to provide stable family environment for their kids. As you know, adultery by either husband or wife will almost always results in divorce. Parents' separation is definitely tough on the kids. But don't you think the kids tend to be resilient, and will eventually learn to cope with their new family environment? Do you recommend couples (in unhappy marriages) who intend to divorce wait until their kids are adults?
I think kids suffer more damage by being with parents who are constantly fighting and bickering...than being with a single parent. So yeah, if you can't stand the bytch, dump her pronto.
"I think kids suffer more damage by being with parents who are constantly fighting and bickering...than being with a single parent. So yeah, if you can't stand the bytch, dump her pronto."
That's a good point. It's nice to know that you can actually discuss matters that are not related to sex and female reproductive system!!
As for 'dumping', it can go both ways. Usually, men tend to recover from divorces much faster/easier than women.
*Actually-it all depends on the child/parents and the individual situations... there are some studies that show that some children do better and cope well with life situations when they see parents bicker and fight (handle conflicts better later in their own lives.)than those who who are overprotected/live under sanitized/passive conditions(projecting silence and indifference) as more "happier family environments"...
*Children are far more perceptive than we give them credit for- there know that is more to the relationships of their parents than just the bickering part....they become desensitized and may even take it in stride..
*On the other hand...once there is a divorce...they may blame themselves, have a difficult time coping without one parent..being shuttled around/used as a pawn between two new families (dealing with new relationships parents are involved in)...etc. etc.
As I said there are all kinds of scenarios...and depends on the individual situations...it is hard to generalize.
M
That's a good point. It's nice to know that you can actually discuss matters that are not related to sex and female reproductive system!!
As for 'dumping', it can go both ways. Usually, men tend to recover from divorces much faster/easier than women.
*Actually-it all depends on the child/parents and the individual situations... there are some studies that show that some children do better and cope well with life situations when they see parents bicker and fight (handle conflicts better later in their own lives.)than those who who are overprotected/live under sanitized/passive conditions(projecting silence and indifference) as more "happier family environments"...
*Children are far more perceptive than we give them credit for- there know that is more to the relationships of their parents than just the bickering part....they become desensitized and may even take it in stride..
*On the other hand...once there is a divorce...they may blame themselves, have a difficult time coping without one parent..being shuttled around/used as a pawn between two new families (dealing with new relationships parents are involved in)...etc. etc.
As I said there are all kinds of scenarios...and depends on the individual situations...it is hard to generalize.
M
"Usually, men tend to recover from divorces much faster/easier than women."
Of course. That's because men don't need women anywhere as much as women need men in the lives. Sadly, a lot of dumb ass broads are defiant about this, until suddenly one day they find their sorry ass on the sidewalk.
ok no more replies on this thread. I'm busy now. Bye. Adios. Don't even try....i'mg one....
Of course. That's because men don't need women anywhere as much as women need men in the lives. Sadly, a lot of dumb ass broads are defiant about this, until suddenly one day they find their sorry ass on the sidewalk.
ok no more replies on this thread. I'm busy now. Bye. Adios. Don't even try....i'mg one....
"As for 'dumping', it can go both ways. Usually, men tend to recover from divorces much faster/easier than women. "
I think it depends on the person. Some men do not get over it for a long time..while they may be ready to move on, there is still a lot of anger/pain inside.
I think divorced folks really find more alliance and understanding with other divorced people who have been through similar struggles.
I think it depends on the person. Some men do not get over it for a long time..while they may be ready to move on, there is still a lot of anger/pain inside.
I think divorced folks really find more alliance and understanding with other divorced people who have been through similar struggles.
are you a man or a woman?.Men generally tolerate for a longer time.Women once decided cannot tolerate.But to be frank,divorce would be more painful that actually being in the marraige.I mean a sadist like me would rather ask you to fuck life,if that was possible.But pain is the truth,hence i don't see any point in taking the divorce.Thoughts of divorce are more feminine in nature.I mean don't waste too much time thinking about it.First you ,then kids,remember it is all about you.
the people concerned should first get help for themselves to understand what went wrong, what they can change and whether it is worth it and if not before deciding. IF there are children this is even more important because children are not idiots and they know if there parents are happy or not and unhappy parents has its own set of problems later on. IT depends on which is the least destructive path in the end.
they can change and whether it is worth it?
hello change is impossible,please go back to traditions.all this realtionship talk sucks.the more we talk about it the more we get in to it.
hello change is impossible,please go back to traditions.all this realtionship talk sucks.the more we talk about it the more we get in to it.
Its not that marriages doesn't work ..its the people. And people do change. U can try to change urself rather then trying to chage him/her. Children do suffer..and that too a lot. More than you can imagine. It may lead to their divorce one day. So pull on, and do it with faith and vigour.
I agree with you Promila. What did the children do if there is some misunderstanding problem between their Dad and Mom. They should give up the decision of divorce.
Regards,
Prasad
Regards,
Prasad
Hi Prasad
Seeing your post after a long time.
If the man is a drunkard or a womaniser or ill treating the wife in front of the children the children will be psychologically affected. In such special cases they should separate if the wife is capable of earning. The children will get used to and behave in a responsible manner.
Seeing your post after a long time.
If the man is a drunkard or a womaniser or ill treating the wife in front of the children the children will be psychologically affected. In such special cases they should separate if the wife is capable of earning. The children will get used to and behave in a responsible manner.
What if the husband doesn't have any bad habits? but have got small irritating habits according to the partner. Those small habits which are joyful for one person and doesn't harm the other person in any way.. but if your partner takes major objection and starts dictating you to leave them and get along .. or else raises a ruckus to make you feel ashamed of yourself.. demeaning you before others and kids?... crashing the feelings that the other holds tender into pieces and takes perverse pleasure in that?
i have seen couples suffer because of incompatibilities and tried in vain to stay together and the children suffered due to those incompatibilities... are we right in thinking that the security overrides every thing that a child needs? what ever .. i dunnoo what i am talking about.. just rambling thoughts ..
why should some one change?for love,compassion? life is a big pain.old age is a curse.
This change is not for love or compassion, this change is for the lives who are dependent on u. They are looking at u for the lessons, morals, emotinal support. They are ur responsibilty not a play thing whom u can play whenever u like. Kids are outcome of two people's union, when they were made it was always love, compassion, but now when they are born they deserve both of them.
Divorce, what to say about it? People get divorce even after 25-30 years of their marriage life. But one thing childrens should be spared from this. Before planning to have a baby the couple should understand themselves, otherwise the child is the only sufferer...
Vijay...
Vijay...
Typing with so many spaces can also lead to divorce.
Anyway, finding out the marriage isnt working after you have kids is unfortunate.
Parents splitting up causes enormous mental and psychological strain on the children. Depending on how old they are, they can be affected for life.
However, It depends on the individual circumstances. there is no one rule for everyone.
Anyway, finding out the marriage isnt working after you have kids is unfortunate.
Parents splitting up causes enormous mental and psychological strain on the children. Depending on how old they are, they can be affected for life.
However, It depends on the individual circumstances. there is no one rule for everyone.
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