Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage.

started by yo_bondgal 6 mnths ago
Last week, a friend and his roomie invited me to a short road trip. I cancelled my flight to the same destination and decided to travel on road with them. The discussion was around my life and I obviously was not prepared for this.

Ugh...this is the most bizzare question you must have ever come across. However, I'm working 60-70 hrs a week. Since a year, I've been in the middle of no where serving the client and giving my 120%. I'm a career oriented and self motivated gal. At the same time, I need a work life date. I'm not looking to date specifically indian men but just men in general. However, it seems I'm suppose to ask the man out??? 
1) I cant find anyone that im interested in as I've worked too long in IT Field and most people are married with kids or serious dating someone.
2) I dont want to date men that I work with. That just causes a lot of trouble later. So what do I do? 
3) My family doesnt believe in arranged marriages and has asked me to look for my own choice. But I don't have anyone that I like!
4) What do I do? I'm so out of touch with this whole dating thing since my career took off. I know it sounds ridiculous but I dont know what to do! I dont want to go through dating websites. I believe in things happening on their own. But when and how?!

Any thoughts?

Reply



Flat Nested

Replies


  Bitter Reality posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
  BladeRunner posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
what does this picture have to do with the question?
by the way, bondgal, send me your details. I will find Mr Wrong for you. I am reasonably good at that.


  Some Profile posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago

None of your questions are bizzare. there are countless you ppl both desis and non-desis asking similar questions.

If you are open to the conventional arrangements, you should get your family network to work. I find it rather bizarre that they have pretty much given up on setting you up.

I get a feeling that the family option has very small chance of working out for you. If you are serious about getting some momentum going in your personal life, here's what you should do...

1. give your personal life more time. whats up with working 60-70 hrs? stick to 40 hrs strictly. it IS possible.

2. spend 80% of remaining time doing things you really enjoy, are passionate about. hopefully some of those things will bring you in touch with like-minded prospects.

3. spend 20% of the remaining free time doing things which bring you even more exposure to prospective guys. these may or may not be things you really enjoy. just so long as they are not really weird, illegal, cheapening or harmful things, they should be okay.

4. finally be very careful of wasting that precious free time you make for yourself.

if you follow these steps sooner or later things should work out.


  Amerasian posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
"Ugh...this is the most bizzare question you must have ever come across."
Nah, it's not a bizzare question. Actually, it's a good question. This is an issue that a lot of desi gals & guys wrestle with. If you lived in a small to mid-size town and went to school & college there, it's very likely that you didn't go through the 'dating process'. Contrary to a lot of narrow-minded Indian parents, dating is not about sex. It's about finding your life partner. 
There are no hard and fast rules as far as dating is concerned. If you find a man to your liking and he is too shy to ask you out, then there is nothing wrong with you inviting him for a lunch or dinner. You don't even have to go out. Just get to know him. I did some dating when I was single. But none of my previous relationships started with dating. They started with meeting the ladies at get togethers and functions such as weddings. I met my wife at a friend's wedding reception. 
Don't rule out men at work. If the guy is not working in the same department, there should not be a problem. As for the websites, I can't blame you for being apprehensive about the websites. I would stay away from matrimonials type of websites. However, there are websites that can help you to find singles. Just make sure they are located locally so that you can get to know them in person. Since you are very busy, this could be a good option for you. Seek help from your friends or colleagues you can trust. I am sure most of them know at least a few singles who are also looking for love. Good luck to you.
 








  yo_bondgal posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
Thanks for being optimistic! I'm not shy, I do believe dating is not all about sex but watch how singles drink n stare at women dancing on the floor (Bars arent the right places to go find a man)...and people I work closely with..arent the right option! BUT I'll keep working on it and keep you posted. Thanks for the wishes! :)
  Amerasian posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
"...but watch how singles drink n stare at women dancing on the floor (Bars arent the right places to go find a man)..."

Yup, bars and lounges are definitely not the places, where you want to go to find your life partner.  
As for guys staring at women dancing on the floor, those are probably desperados. Imagine starving for a few days, and you go to a place where there is a lot food but you it's not readily available. You would be standing there salivating, daydreaming  about eating that food. Anyway, those guys are probably starving for companionship, love and/or sex. They are not necessarily bad guys. If I were to advise single guys, I would tell them that the last thing they want to do is look desperate. Women can usually figure out the desperados and will avoid them. They don't want to connect with a guy, who is willing to take any woman.


  Logic Girl posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
I have some friends on sites like Shaadi.com, and they complain that the men on it are not looking for marriage, but instead they are looking for relationships (ie no strings attached sex). I think you have to make your intentions very clear from the start when you use such sites. And limit your choices only to those in your city, so you can meet them easily without need for travel, and socialize with their friends and families.
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LogicGirl
  yo_bondgal posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
As much as I should limit my options - I travel for work and sometimes I'm not back for days....so well..I do socialize wherever I can...but its usually work related or people from work...not the best idea...Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  BittuZing posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
Correct. I posted my profile on shaadi.com 2004-2006, trolling for unsuspecting chix for casual sexoration. It worked out pretty well, for me anyway. Then my account got locked/banned, and I didn't go back there again.

Where do you live and are you somewhat open to hooking up with dudes for a casual situation, like a lunch time thing in a motel n stuff along those lines?
  yo_bondgal posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
Casual dating is fine with me...but they ought to meet the basic criteria...I don't believe in going with someone who doesnt meet the basics...I don't mind asking for lunch...but who? :) Random stranger that is good looking? Thats not me ...I ought to know what the heck  a man does before I go out ...who knows one could end up with a crazy man :)
  Bitter Reality posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
I think all you should care for is that if  the man is sexy and handsome.Why do you even bother knowing what he does?.Just make sure he is not a criminal or anything.I mean these things are pretty simple.Don't you need sex?



  jee spot posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
are you kanjoosh/ a miser?

guys travel coast to coast for sex.hotwire ,expedia and other sites thrive in revenues just because of guys.

i mean common,not every one is a dork and covers himself with a blanket of decency.we need sex and we get it.

who cares shaadi.com or barbadi.com.guys wanat sex and women deny it but later on enjoy it more than the guys.

the vaginal pleasure is superior at anytime.


  scribblingpad posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
yea, matrimonial websites seem to bring the most horrifying human specimens,lol
scribbly
  jee spot posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
you should marry a mandir poojari,he would be best for you.

in my opinion some women are incable of finding a man for themselves.The more time you give them the more mess they create.hence seek advice of your father.enjoy life stay happy


bum bum
  yo_bondgal posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
I think you ought to either help with your thoughts or quit talkin' nonsense...you're messin' with wrong gal. I don't need a bloody saint...get it? Quit wasting your time and my time.
  Some Profile posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
I think his post was directed at scribblingpad, not you... unless you are scribbling pad. he was quite spot-on, actually.


  scribblingpad posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
hey go change ur name man....so stinky!!!!!ugh!
  Bitter Reality posted Re:Confusion - Oral Sex is a Sin on 6 mnths ago
haha,so Jee Spots are now stinky LOL.You must be in India.Rural women in still think that oral sex is a sin.
  Vaidyanathan Pushpagiri posted Re:Confusion - Oral Sex is a Sin on 6 mnths ago
On Oral Sex: Fellatio & Cunnilingus

Chapter IX Kama Sutra - On Auparishtaka, Mouth Congress

There are two kinds of eunuchs, those that are disguised as males, and those that are disguised as females. Eunuchs disguised as females imitate their dress, speech, gestures, tenderness, timidity, simplicity, softness and bashfulness. The acts that are done on the jaghana or middle parts of women, are done in the mouths of these eunuchs, and this is called Auparishtaka. These eunuchs derive their imaginable pleasure, and their livelihood from this kind of congress, and they lead the life of courtesans. So much concerning eunuchs disguised as females.

Eunuchs disguised as males keep their desires secret, and when they wish to do anything they lead the life of shampooers. Under the pretence of shampooing, a eunuch of this kind embraces and draws towards himself the thighs of the man whom he is shampooing, and after this he touches the joints of his thighs and his jaghana, or central portions of his body. Then, if he finds the lingam of the man erect, he presses it with his hands and chaffs him for getting into that state. If after this, and after knowing his intention, the man does not tell the eunuch to proceed, then the latter does it of his own accord and begins the congress. If however he is ordered by the man to do it, then he disputes with him, and only consents at last with difficulty.

The following eight things are then done by the eunuch (fellatio) one after the other:

The nominal congress
Biting the sides
Pressing outside
Pressing inside
Kissing
Rubbing
Sucking a mango fruit
Swallowing up

At the end of each of these, the eunuch expresses his wish to stop, but when one of them is finished, the man desires him to do another, and after that is done, then the one that follows it, and so on.

When, holding the man's lingam (penis) with his hand, and placing it between his lips, the eunuch moves about his mouth, it is called the 'nominal congress'.

When, covering the end of the lingam with his fingers collected together like the bud of a plant or flower, the eunuch presses the sides of it with his lips, using his teeth also, it is called 'biting the sides'.

When, being desired to proceed, the eunuch presses the end of the lingam with his lips closed together, and kisses it as if he were drawing it out, it is called the 'outside pressing'.

When, being asked to go on, he puts the lingam further into his mouth, and presses it with his lips and then takes it out, it is called the 'inside pressing'.

When, holding the lingam in his hand, the eunuch kisses it as if he were kissing the lower lip, it is called 'kissing'.

When, after kissing it, he touches it with his tongue everywhere, and passes the tongue over the end of it, it is called 'rubbing'.

When, in the same way, he puts the half of it into his mouth, and forcibly kisses and sucks it, this is called 'sucking a mango fruit'.

And lastly, when, with the consent of the man, the eunuch puts the whole lingam into his mouth, and presses it to the very end, as if he were going to swallow it up, it is called 'swallowing up'.

Striking, scratching, and other things may also be done during this kind of congress.

The Auparishtaka (fellatio) is practiced also by unchaste and wanton women, female attendants and serving maids, i.e. those who are not married to anybody, but who live by shampooing.

The Acharyas (i.e. ancient and venerable authors) are of opinion that this Auparishtaka is the work of a dog and not of a man, because it is a low practice, and opposed to the orders of the Holy Writ, and because the man himself suffers by bringing his lingam into contact with the mouths of eunuchs and women. But Vatsyayana says that the orders of the Holy Writ do not affect those who resort to courtesans, and the law prohibits the practice of the Auparishtaka with married women only. As regards the injury to the male, that can be easily remedied.

The people of Eastern India do not resort to women who practice the Auparishtaka.

The people of Ahichhatra resort to such women, but do nothing with them, so far as the mouth is concerned.

The people of Saketa do with these women every kind of mouth congress, while the people of Nagara do not practice this, but do every other thing.

The people of the Shurasena country, on the southern bank of the Jumna, do everything without any hesitation, for they say that women being naturally unclean, no one can be certain about their character, their purity, their conduct, their practices, their confidences, or their speech. They are not however on this account to be abandoned, because religious law, on the authority of which they are reckoned pure, lays down that the udder of a cow is clean at the time of milking, though the mouth of a cow, and also the mouth of her calf, are considered unclean by the Hindoos. Again a dog is clean when he seizes a deer in hunting, though food touched by a dog is otherwise considered very unclean. A bird is clean when it causes a fruit to fall from a tree by pecking at it, though things eaten by crows and other birds are considered unclean. And the mouth of a woman is clean for kissing and such like things at the time of sexual intercourse. Vatsyayana moreover thinks that in all these things connected with love, everybody should act according to the custom of his country, and his own inclination.

There are also the following verses on the subject:

'The male servants of some men carry on the mouth congress with their masters. It is also practiced by some citizens, who know each other well, among themselves. Some women of the harem, when they are amorous, do the acts of the mouth on the yonis of one another, and some men do the same thing with women. The way of doing this (i.e. of kissing the yoni) should be known from kissing the mouth.

When a man and woman lie down in an inverted order, i.e. with the head of the one towards the feet of the other and carry on this congress, it is called the "congress of a crow".'

For the sake of such things courtesans abandon men possessed of good qualities, liberal and clever, and become attached to low persons, such as slaves and elephant drivers. The Auparishtaka, or mouth congress, should never be done by a learned Brahman, by a minister that carries on the business of a state, or by a man of good reputation, because though the practice is allowed by the Shastras, there is no reason why it should be carried on, and need only be practiced in particular cases. As for instance, the taste, and the strength, and the digestive qualities of the flesh of dogs are mentioned in works on medicine, but it does not therefore follow that it should be eaten by the wise. In the same way there are some men, some places and some times, with respect to which these practices can be made use of. A man should therefore pay regard to the place, to the time, and to the practice which is to be carried out, as also as to whether it is agreeable to his nature and to himself, and then he may or may not practice these things according to circumstances. But after all, these things being done secretly, and the mind of the man being fickle, how can it be known what any person will do at any


  scribblingpad posted Re:Confusion - Oral Sex is a Sin on 6 mnths ago
u stick to ur view and i stick to mine. So letss stopppp!! Tho"' I am not rural. Some people think all Indians are rural people. Sweet ignorance!
  Bitter Reality posted Re:Confusion - Oral Sex is a Sin on 6 mnths ago
just don't remain a spinster all your life.women have to compramise more in certain aspects just remember that.
  scribblingpad posted Re:Confusion - Oral Sex is a Sin on 6 mnths ago
Only married women compromise.But they reap as much bebefits than those oldies. While  spinsters don't compromise any time. just remember that. Bitter Reality comes to support the value of  "gee spot" as a  person's name! As if there is nothing better to do.
  Uppili posted Re:Confusion - Oral Sex is a Sin on 6 mnths ago
Married women compromise ????

Thanks for the latgest news update....

Anyway is it Summer already?....Looks like it from your post....:)
  scribblingpad posted Re:Confusion - Oral Sex is a Sin on 6 mnths ago
seems like uppils is in a jolly mood. kovaiyya maduraiyya neenga??
  Uppili posted Re:Confusion - Oral Sex is a Sin on 6 mnths ago
I know much of the area between CBE and MAA.. but don't know much south of CBE... Wanted to tour the Southern part  - perhaps will do it next time.
  scribblingpad posted Re:Confusion - Oral Sex is a Sin on 6 mnths ago
so u are from north coimbatore. ARen't u?
  shakenbut!stirred posted Re:Confusion - Oral Sex is a Sin on 6 mnths ago
Scribbly Dearest
Please change the title of this posting to "Getting to Know Uppili"
thanks...
PervertSRUS like me rush to read abt oral sex only to find a mapquest discussion between u and the salty one...
KLPD

  RS-K posted Re:Confusion - Oral Sex is a Sin on 6 mnths ago
Can we at least change the subject line please? Every time I come in to see some TN geography discussion going one.
  Bitter Reality posted Re:Confusion - Oral Sex is a Sin on 6 mnths ago
haha you dirty sinner.LOL







  Uppili posted Re:Confusion - Oral Sex is a Sin on 6 mnths ago
How do you know that she is a spinster AKA single ?....;)

All the theories are only as good as the assumptions that they are built on.  But, you are right though.... she is rural - in the 50s her place used to be one....:)

  jaijui posted Re:Confusion - Oral Sex is a Sin on 6 mnths ago
and that  i find very sad ...that women have to do the compromising ...
wait till i show them :)






  Amerasian posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
"yea, matrimonial websites seem to bring the most horrifying human specimens, lol"

Not necessarily! I have known people who used the matrimonials (online & India Abroad paper). They had some unpleasant surprises. For ex: a guy who was supposed to be tall & healthy was tall and fat; a gal who was supposed to be fair-skinned was not; a gal who was supposed to be healthy was fat
Unfortunately, there are still a lot of people who don't mind lying in order to get married. It's better to get to know the person before you talk about marriage.



  scribblingpad posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
hey...try dating utsuk purush, yaar. he  is also looking  feverishly for his utsuk gal
scribbly
  Utsuk Purush posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
LOL,she is saying she is not only looking for indian men.She wants those dashing gora's.
  yo_bondgal posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
Did I say I want to date gora's only? Read again....



  Logic Girl posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
Well, nothing happens on its own. I mean, did you get educated just by sitting and waiting? Did you have a career by sitting and waiting for someone to offer you a job? So you have to make your own luck - increase your opportunities to meet men by going out more, have an internet dating profile etc (why not?).....

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  Currer Bell posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago
hey, you said the same thing I said below :-)
  Utsuk Purush posted Re:Confusion - Rules of dating/relationship/marriage. on 6 mnths ago